Post-Wedding Blues

“How was your wedding?”

“Fantastic!”

“How was your honeymoon?”

“Totally wicked!”

“How are you feeling now?”

“Pretty shithouse, to be brutal.”

Of course, this conversation only happened once. The cocktail expression of shock, disappointment, sadness, pity and disgust I received upon reviewing the recipient’s face told me to keep that sort of thing to myself.

Somehow, amidst the myriad of wedding advice, tips, hints, reminders and proclamations passed on from anyone as intimate as a family member to as distant as a lollipop lady, a key issue had been ignored.

Couples endure a period of post-nuptual hell that leaves you feeling…flat.

Obviously, you are still excited about being married and the excitement that comes with it all. However, it must be said to those approaching marriage that the aftermath is not necessarily a purely magical period.

It is laced with a feeling of flatness. That the hopes and dreams of a lifetime have been realised. “The best day of your life” has been and gone – that the photos of your wedding are the only ones you will ever have, there is never a chance to take or add more. Never an opportunity to change a line in a speech or actually eat some of the food at the wedding. Essentially, it is re-acquainting yourselves with normal life that, in our case, we hadn’t experienced for a few years.

I suppose it stems from spending such a large amount of time, money and effort on one single event. Every second conversation you have with someone will focus around the wedding. The little details are always in the back of your mind. Each day is a series of planning, making phone calls and making lists for months leading into the wedding.

Suddenly, this all comes to a halt and it’s back to the “real world.” Of course, the “real world,” is the life you’ve created with your spouse and is the reason why you married in the first place. It’s an adjustment, nonetheless.

In my mind, the danger is that couples spend this time entirely focused on the future. On what they will be once they are married, what their plans may be. I fear this may lead some couples to lose sight of the present, of themselves and, more importantly, each other.

It is crucial that couples entering marriage remind themselves of why they are marrying at all stages along the journey – the love they share for their partner, their relationship, their present. Make time to get away from the wedding and do the things you would normally do. Live.

The marriage itself begins at such a pinnacle that the time afterward is somewhat anti-climactic (in comparison) so the relationship must be strong to begin with.

Obviously, there is a degree of exaggeration in this post. I feel that it is necessary to underline the importance of the message and as retaliation to all those who did not mention it beforehand yet experienced the same thing themselves.

A final piece of advice. You may need to acquire a hobby post-wedding to occupy all that space in your mind that may suddenly arise.

For me, it was starting this blog.

Has anyone experienced this before? Or am I completely mental?

2 responses

  1. Pat

    Think you are very very wise to have realised. Many people never do.
    The wedding is a party, no more and no less. Whatever you spend, whatever you do, in the end, it boils down to it’s a party.
    We all get big ideas about how wonderful and that fairy tale bliss is dangled before us of happy ever after, but happy is not a permanent state. Aim to be content, with highs of happiness, which will be marked by lows – they’re the bits that show you when you’re happy.
    But I think many couples forget that parties cannot last forever, and happy-permanent is for the cornflakes box and the advertising man. Everyone else is getting by on content. Rubbing along.
    And this is one of the reasons why I hate soap operas: rubbing along is never enough on there. And when someone leaves a relationship for pastures new, for another party, it’s an easy transition. The ripples in the pond of family, friends, children, and so on are quietly forgotten.
    In real life this is not the case.

    09/28/2012 at 04:22

  2. Thank you for your very thoughtful and in-depth response, Pat.

    That’s basically how we tried to view our wedding – as a celebration of us and a fun event for friends and family. Of course, it still ended up being very stressful!

    You’re spot on about happiness. Too many people confuse what happiness is. They think it is a way of being – that someone can be always happy. They forget that it’s an emotion. It’s actually a conversation I have often with the children in my class – that happiness is not what you can always be. You can be happy in the morning, excited in the day and sad at night. However, I tell them that they can always be positive and have an optimistic outlook.

    It’s why, I think, so many people cheat or don’t work at relationships. They get bored, life gets “dull” and so they think that something is wrong and move onto the next person. Of course, the cycle simply repeats again.

    The way I view it – I don’t believe there’s one person out there for everyone. It’s ridiculous (in my mind) to think that everyone has ONE person out there for them. Out of almost 7 billion people, the chances of finding one person that is the one for you is outrageous and an excuse for people to move away from loves to find another. I think there are many, many different people that can make a person happy.

    As such, I think it becomes a reflection of whether or not you would be happier with someone else than you are at present. Not in the first few months (of course, they will always be exciting) but after a few years.

    I look at my wife and I know that there’s not another person who could make me happier to be with.

    09/28/2012 at 12:42

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