“How was your honeymoon?”
“How are you feeling now?”
“Pretty shithouse, to be brutal.”
Of course, this conversation only happened once. The cocktail expression of shock, disappointment, sadness, pity and disgust I received upon reviewing the recipient’s face told me to keep that sort of thing to myself.
Somehow, amidst the myriad of wedding advice, tips, hints, reminders and proclamations passed on from anyone as intimate as a family member to as distant as a lollipop lady, a key issue had been ignored.
Couples endure a period of post-nuptual hell that leaves you feeling…flat.
Obviously, you are still excited about being married and the excitement that comes with it all. However, it must be said to those approaching marriage that the aftermath is not necessarily a purely magical period.
It is laced with a feeling of flatness. That the hopes and dreams of a lifetime have been realised. “The best day of your life” has been and gone – that the photos of your wedding are the only ones you will ever have, there is never a chance to take or add more. Never an opportunity to change a line in a speech or actually eat some of the food at the wedding. Essentially, it is re-acquainting yourselves with normal life that, in our case, we hadn’t experienced for a few years.
I suppose it stems from spending such a large amount of time, money and effort on one single event. Every second conversation you have with someone will focus around the wedding. The little details are always in the back of your mind. Each day is a series of planning, making phone calls and making lists for months leading into the wedding.
Suddenly, this all comes to a halt and it’s back to the “real world.” Of course, the “real world,” is the life you’ve created with your spouse and is the reason why you married in the first place. It’s an adjustment, nonetheless.
In my mind, the danger is that couples spend this time entirely focused on the future. On what they will be once they are married, what their plans may be. I fear this may lead some couples to lose sight of the present, of themselves and, more importantly, each other.
It is crucial that couples entering marriage remind themselves of why they are marrying at all stages along the journey – the love they share for their partner, their relationship, their present. Make time to get away from the wedding and do the things you would normally do. Live.
The marriage itself begins at such a pinnacle that the time afterward is somewhat anti-climactic (in comparison) so the relationship must be strong to begin with.
Obviously, there is a degree of exaggeration in this post. I feel that it is necessary to underline the importance of the message and as retaliation to all those who did not mention it beforehand yet experienced the same thing themselves.
A final piece of advice. You may need to acquire a hobby post-wedding to occupy all that space in your mind that may suddenly arise.
For me, it was starting this blog.
Has anyone experienced this before? Or am I completely mental?