There are times in your life when you look in the mirror and see in it, not a reflection of your usual self, but rather the confused face of yourself 5 years ago. Staring at you coldly, aghast and disconnected with the person they see, mouthing words to the effect of “who are you?”

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Most people tend to think of themselves 5 years ago as comparatively immature, naive, ignorant, slightly idiotic… I assume.

With that in mind, I was intrigued by the appearance of me minus 5, especially his expression.

It didn’t take me long to decode the reason for his confusion. Yesterday I began a 6 week-long detox involving, amongst other things, the expulsion of wheat, alcohol, tap water and bananas from my diet. (The last two make no sense to me and I will not be cutting ties with those for the duration of the detox. Everything in moderation including moderation!)

5 Years Ago Me’s favourite food was KFC, he was overweight for his height/age, would binge drink regularly and regarded the walk up the stairs to home as exercise. I have subsequently made subtle adjustments to my lifestyle – mostly for the better. Riding to work, upping my intake of quality food and water and eating less trashy food are probably the main components. A more forgiving, level-head and positive outlook have been more important.

Nevertheless, this year’s teaching has presented  me with a whole plethora of potential dangers to my health – most notably 19 4 and 5 year olds.

Within a Semester of engaging in germ warfare with these little cherubs it became clear that I was losing. A flu, enduring gastro twice, multiple colds and shingles (! – what am I, 80?!) told me that this was actually less of a war and more of a subjugation. Even the few days I was well, I would wake up tired and groggy. Enough was enough – something had to change.

Unfortunately, my routine had been pretty ensconced by now. Monday-Wednesday involved whinging to my wife and colleagues alike about my various ailments. Thursday saw me feeling slightly more human. Friday / or + Saturday saw me getting shitfaced drunk.


Humans can be creatures of inertia and I knew I would need a pretty drastic change else I end up with a tokenistic effort that would inevitably fail and add to my Monday-Wednesday repertoire of complaints, whining about a current cold and lamenting my misfortune. Something along the lines of  “oh but remember that time I didn’t drink during Thursday night trivia – I should be fine!”

The booze had probably always been a problem, but teaching the little guys put it blazingly in the headlines.

It was at this time that I made the dramatic decision that I would do a liver detox.

Now I can’t spell kinwa, I occasionally have trouble telling the difference between an orange and a mandarin and I probably haven’t had a vegetarian meal since mum had me on the puree as a little tacker.

Not to be deterred by these embarrassingly ridiculous pitfalls, I’m giving it a go. Usually I believe that change must come gradually to improve one’s health and mindset. Occasionally, however, I believe there is a time and a place for you to stop, consider yourself, take drastic action and look after yourself. Not something that guys are expected to do or, in the greater scheme, encouraged to do.

Detoxman. Hetox. Metox. Let’s see how I go!

One response

  1. Pingback: Struggletox | stretching into infinity

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