Rules for Sports Fans

  1. Never devote yourself to a sport that may crown a champion mid-week.
  2. If you follow a team that hasn’t won the Premiership for over 50 years, ignorance is usually bliss when it comes to secretly checking scores at lunch-dates.
  3. You cannot call a team “we” or lovingly describe loyal fans as “us” until you have at least attended a match featuring your chosen side.
  4. Purchasing apparel is banned until you can name at least 5 players.
  5. If nobody hates your team, it’s because they’re rubbish.
  6. Not knowing any stats can be embarrassing – knowing all of them moreso.
  7. Applauding opposition acts of brilliance is allowed but not encouraged.
  8. Keep in mind that no one gives a shit about your fantasy team (or your betting) anywhere near as much as you do.
  9. When feeling the urge to follow a team in a sport, teams which fit one of these 3 scenarios are out of bounds:
  • Any side that has won the league in the previous 3 seasons;
  • Any side that is in the top 3 sides for overall titles and;
  • Any side with teal in their uniform;
  • Any team who’s nickname matches that of a current rival and;
  • Any team with a pathetic monicker (Capitals? Really?).

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